Is She Worried Over Nothing?
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So here’s what you’re not getting- your husband is well aware that the water line is damaged. Your husband was hoping to get this problem fixed before you found out. He knows that if you find out, then this will lead to a pointless conversation because the problem is already being addressed. Men often refer to pointless conversations with their wives as a “nag.” Yes, your husband could have been honest with you about the situation, but from his point of view, he was trying to fix a problem before you even knew there was a problem to fix. The wife is concerned about her water line, the contractor and the husband are trying to get this fixed, and in the mind of the husband, discussing the matter is pointless.
In a way, yes, the husband is hiding something from his wife. Is it a big deal worthy of a heated argument? I say no. I say this is comparable to a wife complaining that her husband didn’t do anything special for their anniversary just as suddenly a plane flies overhead pulling a big message reading, “HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DARLING, I LOVE YOU!” As men, we are constantly trying to prevent our women from over-reacting. It even gets scary sometimes when you suddenly become an investigative reporter and decide to find out the facts yourself. As the less emotional gender, we are always trying to find ways to limit the amount of negative (or even curious) emotions that females feel. For the most part, it is ingrained in men to fix things- that’s why most men have a toolbox (with hammers, wrenches, screwdrivers… etc.).
On a weekly basis, men see themselves as having 3 basic household chores- 1) empty the garbage 2) mow the lawn 3) fix anything that needs to be fixed- such as burnt out light bulbs, leaky faucets, or damaged water lines.
Yes, we’ll do the laundry or clean the dishes, but uhhhh… we do those things in the hopes we get sex points added to our rewards card (figuratively speaking).
Back to the topic- the husband could have simply calmed his wife by saying, “Oh, by the way, the water line is damaged but the contractor is fixing it.” That could have easily prevented her paranoia and an accompanying argument. She probably would have asked, “Why is the water line damaged?” To which the husband would simply respond, “I don’t know, but the contractor is fixing it.” And there you have it- end of story.
Husband: “Is there something on Netflix you want to watch?”
Wife: “I kind of want to watch Body Wars.”
Husband puts on Body Wars. They watch it in peace. Husband listens as wife comments on the show and goes, “Uh-huh” to everything she says. They get tired and go to bed around 10:30. It’s a win-win for both of them. The end.
Yes! *waves hand in the air* I can relate on this one. I am a worrier. My nails are bitten off and brittle from worry. I would say that as a worrier there’s a couple of factors that weigh into it.
One, intuition. I think the reason why she can sense that something is wrong but can’t explain it is because as an intuitive you get an intuition or sense of things that have gone or could go wrong. Over time some people start to learn from past mistakes and can predict when something is going to go wrong. There are also people who have not gone through specific experiences but use knowledge they’ve gained to do similar types of predictions.
Two, instincts. As women our minds are constantly making sure that all of our ducks are in a row. It’s our instinct. Ok, this may not be every woman’s instinct, but as a mom I know I definitely am worrying about something at all times. If I didn’t our 19 month old daughter would be climbing on our kitchen counters eating dish soap while trying to stick her finger in an outlet.
Telling us to stop worrying is not going to magically make us stop worrying. In fact, it’s only going to make us worry more. It’s like telling us not to panic when Christmas is around the corner, all the relatives are coming over, and the house looks like a pig sty. Sure, don’t worry. Easy for you to say when you aren’t the one that’s going to clean it up. Just let us see if we can figure out what’s wrong so we can ease our minds and we won’t have to think about it anymore. If you want to go check it out and come back with a report that works too, as long as it’s checked on.
Her worry too is also fueled by his passivity nature. By him saying, “you really need to stop this,” that tells me that there have been times where she has worried about something and it turned out to be nothing. But, I’m also sure that there have been times where she has worried about something, he told her to “stop this”, and it turned out that her intuition and instincts were right. It’s these times that is making her want to check on the contractor’s renovations even though he is telling her that she is “worrying over nothing”, otherwise she would be more willing to listen to what he’s saying. I think too that if it were the other way around and she was telling him to stop worrying that he wouldn’t appreciate it very much.
Her husband’s approach to her worry is not helping her feel better. It’s only making her feel worse. That’s the main issue here. He really should have taken a more sensitive approach and explained to her initially that even if there’s something wrong that things will be ok because they hired professionals to do the job. Then he could even follow it up by saying that she can still go check on it but just know that as hired professionals, if they break something, they will have to fix it.